Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
