I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
