I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
