At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
