do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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