the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
