is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
