apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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