So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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