Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize