i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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