this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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