this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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