True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
