Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
