oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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