operation have a gay friend backfired
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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