im drinking this country out of the recession.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
