I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
