Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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