he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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