roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize