speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
