u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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