sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
