A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
