If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
