as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
