You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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