i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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