so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
