I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
