He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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