You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
