he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
