I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
This house was built for laser tag.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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