You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
