i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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