She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
