i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
