Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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