dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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