He uses pillows to masturbate.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
