Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
