I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
