I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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