i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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