But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
