Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
