I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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