Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
