i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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