Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
