Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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