She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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