It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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