Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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