I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
