I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
