if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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