my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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