Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Please don't give away my fajitas
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
