Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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