what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
