you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
