tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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