Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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