He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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