let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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