Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
