apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
