At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
